illusion_is_mine: (The Crow: Eric Draven)
     Well this week was exhausting.  I think it was mainly because I was recovering from that awful car accident that happened a week ago.  I had to go to the doctor this morning for a follow up appointment.  I'm not sure why I always make my appointments on Mondays, but I will say that I definitively hate Mondays.  The traffic on the highway is always horrible, and people are generally in a crappy mood.  The doctor visit went by very quickly though.  Everyone there seemed to be in a good mood, and the woman who took my blood started telling me about how she was late this morning, and she was glad that the daycare where she takes her kids was open late.  Also I've noticed people have been just coming  up to me, and opening up to me which is somewhat strange.  The other day my coworker came up to me and started telling me about her father and what was going on with him.  I guess I have a more overall pleasant aura about me lately.  I'm definitely more positive than I've been in years.  I guess that means my medication is working.  

   My sexuality, dealing with family, etc. )
illusion_is_mine: (Default)
Hello everyone!

     This will be a pretty serious post.  I told my therapist today that I've been questioning my sexuality.  She believes that this is the root of my depression, and that if I don't address it then I can't really deal with my depression.  Me questioning my sexuality has been something I've experienced since high-school.  If you know anything about living in the Southern United States you know how extremely homophobic people can be in the is part of the country.  Honestly it's something that I haven't really dealt with until now.  I just kept putting it in the back of my mind.  That maybe I just don't like any of the guys at my high-school, or maybe I'll meet the right guy eventually.  But here lately I've been considering that this may have been the issue all along.  

     My therapist told me that when I told her that I looked like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.  I'm still not sure exactly what to classify myself as far as my sexual identity goes, but I do know that I'm not strictly heterosexual.  I've only disclosed this on here, and to my therapist.  My family, or friends have no idea about any of this.  I've done such a good job of hiding it that I don't believe anyone has picked up on it yet.  I do want to come out to some people, but honestly I'm scared.  This is something that I just constantly put in the back of my mind hoping it would go away.  My family has said, and still says some very homophobic shit that I just can't deal with most of the time.  It's the main reason I haven't told anyone else.  So I guess this post will be the first time I've addressed this.  I'm still trying to figure everything out, and I'm not sure about my identity yet.  I just need all the support I can get honestly.  

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illusion_is_mine

About

I'm a 32 year old woman. I'm an artist, and I'm into the Gothic subculture. Things that I enjoy include but are not limited to 80's Music, Reading, Drawing, Animation, Playing bass guitar, Gothic rock, indie music, horror films, anime, comics, video games, and sci-fi novels. I don't know what I'd do without music, and art. I listen to Siouxsie and the Banshees way more than I should.