illusion_is_mine

 Hey folks,

I know it's been forever, but considering everything that's been happening I figured everyone was having a rough time these days.  How is everyone?  I'm doing okay despite everything going on with COVID19.  My job is essential so I've still had to go into work which is kinda scary.  

Other than that it's been lots of video games, because no one can really go anywhere.  I recently got Resident Evil 3 Remake which is a really polished, yet slightly flawed version of the original game.  I've been enjoying it so far.  As for other games I also got Final Fantasy 7 Remake which I absolutely love so far!  When the opening cinematic started in Midgar I got kind of emotional.  The original FF7 was one of my first JRPG's so that game is very special to me.  It's been a great experience playing a re-imagined version of that game with modern day graphics.

As for real life things I've been mainly just trying to stay safe, stay at home when I can, and spending time with family and friends.  I hope you all are doing well.  I'm more active on twitter as (irradiatedblues) if you guys want to see what I'm up to these days.  

Hey all,

     I know it's been a long while, but honestly I haven't felt like posting an entry in a while.  I'll post what's been going on with me lately.  

     I've been doing rather well lately.  I got my tax money about a week or so ago, and I've been really focusing on saving money, and budgeting a lot better.  I've also been doing my usual gaming, and what not.  I bought Devil May Cry 5, and Metro Exodus not too long ago, and I've been enjoying playing those games.  

     As for work it's been going okay.  A few of my coworkers are hardcore Michael Jackson fans so I ended up getting into a debate with them about the whole "Leaving Neverland" thing.  My coworkers are convinced that he didn't abuse those kids, but I don't agree at all especially after seeing the documentary.  I think MJ was a really good con-man, and he was good at convincing people that he was a good person, but he had another side to him.  I do believe he was a pedophile so that makes my opinion very unpopular with my coworkers.  That's fine with me because at least I have sympathy for the victims of CSA because it's a huge problem in our society.  I get people enjoy his music, but people honestly need to take their bias out of it, and acknowledge that MJ's relationships with children was not innocent.  

    That aside I've been doing well.  I've had a few stressful weeks off and on, but I'm at a good place mentally right now.  

     

I started my vacation this week from work, and I've been mostly taking it easy, and staying in since it's been quite cold lately.  I'll post a few quick updates about what I've been up to.

• I bought Fallout 76 a few days ago, and despite how many poor reviews the game is getting I've been enjoying it a lot.  I have to say this is the first multiplayer game I've played where majority of the people I met in the game were friendly, and helpful.  I did have one experience with someone being a jerk, but I've had more good experiences than bad. 

• I met a guy last night when my character was exploring Morgantown Airport, and he ended up being pretty cool.  He was frustrated because he told me that I was the only person that actually talked to him over the mic.  He said everyone else had their mics off, and he felt like the game is about teamwork, and helping each other.  We completed the quest, and eventually his game froze, and that was the last I saw of him.  I've met a few nice people throughout my gameplay, and I'm pleasantly surprised with how nice most of the fallout fans are.  If any of you guys are playing the game on Xbox One and wants to team up you can send me a message.  My gamertag is: EternalNoir1985

• Thanksgiving is next week, and we're having it at our house.  I can't say I'm thrilled about it because most of the time I always have to clean up when everyone leaves, but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it I guess.  My family, and holidays usually equals family drama, but hopefully not.  

• My mom has been sick with the flu most of the week, but she's finally doing a lot better today.  I've been making sure to check up on her, and see how she's been doing throughout the day.  

• Well that's all for now.  I'm going to watch some video game streams, and probably go play some more Fallout 76.  Later guys.

Hey guys,

Long time no post I know. I've been somewhat busy for the most part, but I finally got a chance to sit down and make a new post. As you can see I've been playing lots of Shadow of the Tomb Raider, and I've been loving it so far. This game honestly feels more like the classic Tomb Raider games than any of the reboot titles so far. In this game Lara has kick-started the apocalypse by accident, and has to make things right. Aka typical Lara Croft moment. Here's a nice gif from the game.







As for other things I've been mostly working, and doing normal boring adult stuff. I bought a few vinyl records recently. I was surprised this online independent record shop had albums by Toe, a Japanese post-rock band I've been into for years. I was happy to find that both records were limited edition colored vinyl, and they both came with digital downloads. I also bought a limited edition version of the new Zeal & Ardor record "Stranger Fruit." I have a picture of it in all it's beautiful glory. I love purple so this edition was a must buy for me, and the record is one of my favorite metal albums of 2018 so far.

( Stranger fruit... )

As for other things I went to the doctor last week for my follow up appointment, and the doctor said my blood pressure was really good.  I've been trying to watch what I eat, and avoid too much fast food.  I'm glad to see it's finally paying off.  I plan to start exercising, but I need to build up the motivation to do it.  It's tough the older you get, but I really do need to for my health.  I also need to start doing some more artwork, and updating my deviant art page regularly.  I think I should take it one step at a time and try not to push myself too hard.  I'll figure it all out I guess.

I guess that's all for now.  

 I figured I'd post a few quick updates to let you guys know what's been going on with me.  

• My dad has his surgery this friday, and I'm a bit anxious about it.  This will be a pretty serious surgery so his recovery will be longer, but hopefully everything turns out okay.

• Things have been going well at work lately.  The only thing that's been going on outside the norm is that creepy guy finally stopped talking to me.  I think that's a good thing.  I think I finally pissed him off enough that he just leaves me alone...haha.  
• I beat one game in my backlog!  I know that it's just one among many but hey it's something.  The game was Tomb Raider (2011), and I'm glad I finally finished it.  Now I can really dive into Octopath Travler on my Switch.

• I've been listening to tons of music lately.  I've been really feeling nostalgic about 90's ska/punk so I've been listening to a lot of that.  I used to love that stuff as a teen and I just sort of fell off as I got older.  Bands like The English Beat, No Doubt (mostly Tragic Kingdom), The Clash, The Selector, Streetlight Manifesto, Black Flag, and Catch 22 to name a few bands.  

• I've also been listening to a lot of goth music, but that's nothing new...lol

• I joined discord a few months ago, and I've really been enjoying it!  I'm glad I found some great servers with friendly people that I can chat with on the regular. 

• Finally saw Avengers: Infinity War, and I enjoyed it.  I didn't love it as much as most people, but I'm not super into the Avengers either so I figured I wouldn't go crazy over it.  I do want to know what happens in the next movie since this one felt like it was unfinished.  I'm assuming they're making another movie, but I'm not sure XD! 

 This week was okay I guess.  My dad did end up coming home last Wednesday, and he's going to be having his surgery in a month or so.  It's not as soon as he wanted, but the surgeon is on vacation so that's why they couldn't do it sooner.  He's been doing good, and has been off work so he's had a chance to rest, and recover.  

As for me I've been good.  I had a coworker that annoyed the hell out of me the other day.  The creepy guy that won't leave me alone he an insufferable personality, and apparently he can't enjoy things that take him outside his comfort zone.  He's also super competitive, and immature.  I've actually considered avoiding him altogether because I feel like it's a waste of time talking to someone like him.  Even though we both like video games that's honestly the only thing we have in common, and we have completely different taste in everything else.  Plus he creeps me out, and he legit wears the same clothes everyday.  I usually don't care about stuff like that, but it's like dude you have a job you can afford to care about how you look.  I'm starting to wish I would have never talked to him in the first place.  I even gave him a sort of *hint*, and told him I seem to attract "strange people", and he goes "I'm not that strange", and my response was "If you say so...".  

An old coworker texted me this morning, and mentioned we should have lunch one day.  I was really glad to hear from her because we ended up getting along really well when she worked here, and I'd been wondering what she was up to.  She told me I'd been on her mind which was nice to hear. :)

As for other things I've been reading a new manga I just started called "Black Clover", and I'm really digging it.  I love all the characters, and it's about magic so of course I'm all in.  

As for music I've been listening to all sorts of different stuff.  I honestly couldn't pin point it to one specific genre or specific artists since my tastes has been all over the place lately.  I've been listening to The Fin's newest album, and I've been digging it.  Here's a song from one of their previous albums that I really like called "Till Dawn". 

In other news I'm really excited about the new Tomb Raider game coming out this year "Shadow of the Tomb Raider."  I wasn't too excited at first, but after seeing this video it made my hype level go up quite a bit.  I know a lot of people don't care for the TR reboots, but I honestly love them.  I do not miss the old Tomb Raider games at all, and I grew up on them.  The new games are a breath of fresh air tbh.  

Hello all,

I've recently discovered that I tend to get depressed around holidays, and this past 4th of July was no exception. Luckily for me my family celebrated the 4th a few days earlier because many folks in my family had to work that day (including me. :() I've went through a bit of a rough depressive episode last week. I will say today I'm feeling a lot better though. I think I realized how difficult it is, and always has been for me to make friends. I feel like it's even more difficult ever since I've hit my 30's. People are usually settled into their friend groups at this point, and that tends to leave me in the forever alone camp. I will say that this has motivated me to do productive things like finally put some effort into learning Japanese. I have tons of books, and have bookmarked some great videos on learning the language. It also helps having a ton of Japanese music, and entertainment content to motivate me into actually following through with it.

All that sad stuff aside my ex-crush Nick actually held me a conversation yesterday. I think he assumed that me and creepy boy were together or something? I don't know, but I guess I look so sad an pitiful during my break he decided to talk to me lmao. I'm open to being friends with him because he seems like a cool guy, and we have some things in common. He also has a type of sarcastic dark humor that I can sort of get behind. Creepy guy on the other hand annoys the shit out of me, but he won't leave me alone. Then some days he completely ignores me, and honestly I could care less. The only reason he follows me around like a lost puppy is because I asked him ONE question about if he liked a particular video game. He's been clinging to me ever since, and I haven't been able to get rid of the guy. I actually switch around my breaks and lunches to avoid him if possible. He creeps me out honestly, and I wish he'd leave me be.

As for music I've been listening to a lot of different things. I saw this video on my twitter feed this morning, and I have to post it cause Chelsea Wolfe is awesome, and a wonderful gothy goddess. This particular song has a nice gothic rock vibe. I must warn you that the video is creepy, but that's her usual style.


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 It's been a strange week.  Do you guys remember that nerdy/creepy guy that wouldn't leave me alone?  Well he's ignoring me now, and the guy I had a on crush a while back is talking to me again.  Why are men like this?  I mean I didn't do anything different, and this whole situation happens.  I guess you don't have to do anything.  Straight men are very strange to be honest.  

I mean I'd be lying if I didn't acknowledge that I was somewhat happy the crush started talking to me, but that's besides the point.  He noticed (I guess?)  I was wearing a Persona 5 shirt, and he's like "Hey Ashley, that's an awesome shirt!"  First of all I didn't think he knew me name, second of all It's cool he likes Persona 5, but I'm still very cautious about this whole thing.  I don't feel like I can trust most straight men, and their intentions towards me.  I mean I'm not against being friends with guys, but they're so goddam fickle it's unreal.  Many of them have no idea what the hell they want weather it be friendship, relationship or otherwise.  I don't like it when people play games with me so I'm over it tbh.  I'll just keep doing me, and remain cautious.  

On a lighter note I ended up pre-ordering Fallout 76 for the beta.  Bethesda is still leaving many of us Fallout fans in the dark about a lot of the game's mechanics, but I figure since I'm playing the beta I should be able to decide weather I enjoy it or not from that.  It's a multiplayer survival rpg apparently, but we'll see how that all plays out.  I've actually found a like-minded group of people on discord to play the game with when it comes out in November so I'm excited.  I'll admit the map of post-apocalyptic West Virginia looks really beautiful, and the No Clip doc on how they made the game won me over.  Here's the trailer Bethesda showed at the e3 conference for the game.  The song they used in the trailer is really perfect.  

 

 I started out this morning by playing a bit of Dark Souls Remastered for a bit.  My family is planning a small birthday dinner at an Italian restaurant I've never been to so it should be fun.  My friend Elisabeth took me out for lunch yesterday, and we looked around in the book store a bit.  I bought a few Xbox 360 games, and we talked about different book series we were into.  Overall I've been enjoying my vacation from work this week, and it's nice to spend time with family, and friends.  I hope you all are doing well. 

Hey guys.  I'm in the recovering stage after my surgery, and I'm doing better.  I mostly slept all day after I had the surgery, and the few days after that were rough.  This week is a lot better though because I'm in a lot less pain.  I get my stitches taken out on the 17th so it should be smooth sailing after that.  The scar still hurts a little bit, but it's not nearly as bad as it was right after the surgery. 

I've mostly been playing lots of Farcry 5, and God of War.  I've been progressing pretty well through both games.  I've been having a blast playing them both so far.

As for music I've been listening to a bit of everything.  I bought the album "Boxer" by The National and I've been digging it so far.  Also Haley Kiyoko's newest album "Expectations" has been on heavy rotation on my iPod lately.  I love her whole aesthetic, and her videos are really gorgeous.  The women in her videos are all really hot.  The girl has good taste xD!