mental health day

Jun. 30th, 2018 09:21 am
illusion_is_mine: (Haikyuu!! - Hinata)
Today I decided to take a mental health day off work to recuperate from my long week. I'm glad I did because I ended up not getting much sleep last night. I went to bed around 8pm, and ended up waking up around midnight, and not going back to sleep until around 3am I believe. At one point I started reading to see if that would help.

Truth be told I was a bit depressed yesterday, but after listening to a bit of music I started to feel a little bit better. It's amazing how music can really make me feel better. My mom told me once that when I was first born they would put a radio in my crib to help me sleep. It seems that music still has the same effect on me as an adult.

As for what I've been listening to it's been mainly Utada Hikaru, Lacuna Coil, Chelsea Wolfe, Self Defense Family, Tiger's Jaw, Siouxsie and the Banshees, Oceans of Slumber, Zeal and Ardor, Jaurim, Trivium, and Dir en grey. Speaking of music I've Zeal & Ardor's new album on repeat lately. If you don't know who they are they are a unique black metal band that fuses elements of black metal with gospel, and slave chants. It's one of the most interesting bands I've heard this year.  This song is from their previous album, but I think the video is really cool so here ya go. I like how the first youtube comment is "I guess I'm a satanist now" XD!  



  • Current Mood: calm
  • Current Music: Miliyah Kato - 貴方はまだ愛をしらない
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on the road to recovery

Jan. 13th, 2016 10:18 am
illusion_is_mine: (inuyasha)
     My therapy session this week went well.  It was my last session at least until next month mainly because my insurance only pays for 8 sessions.  If I want to continue therapy I have to pay out of pocket,  and it's rather expensive.  I did talk to my therapist about maybe only seeing her once a month since it is so expensive.  She told me to get back with her, and let her know if that's what I want to do.  

     I went to the regular doctor on Monday to have just a regular check up, and for them to test me for depression.  The test was done on a computer, and they ask you a ton of questions.  When I got my results back the doctor told me that I have severe depression.  I knew it was bad, but I honestly didn't expect it to be that bad.  They prescribed me Cymbalta, which I started taking yesterday.  She informed me that I won't see any changes right away, and that it will take a few weeks to see real results.  I was very leery about getting back on meds, but if my depression is that bad then I'm willing to try medication.  

     I sort of came out to my mom.  Her reaction was actually really positive.  She told me that there's nothing I could to to make her stop loving me, and that she just wants me to be happy.  I was so relieved finally telling her because we're really close, and I tell her almost anything.  It felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders, and I don't feel this huge burden to live up to anyone's expectations of what I should be.  I sort of told my friend too, but in a round-a-bout way.  I'm probably not going to tell anyone else in my family though.  Mainly because I'm still not sure of where I fall in the spectrum honestly.  My main priority right now is to improve my mental health.  I can deal with everything else after that.   

    I was at the doctor's office when I found out that David Bowie past away.  It's so terribly tragic that he died of cancer.  Cancer has killed so many people, and animals.  They said he knew 8 months ago that he had it, and I guess he was preparing.  It's so crazy how the album he released last week is sort of like his goodbye.  Life is really a fragile thing it seems. 
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i'm so tired of feeling like this

Dec. 29th, 2015 01:35 pm
illusion_is_mine: (Siouxsie)
     Well I had my therapy session today, and after I discussed how I've been feeling lately she came to the conclusion that I have depression.  I basically told her about a few fleeting thoughts I'd been having over a period of time.  I've also been having issues with one of my friend's, and she told me she could tell something was wrong as soon as I walked in.  She wants to send me a to a lab to do some tests so that she knows for sure that it's depression.  She also talked about putting me on medication.  She said she just wanted to put me on a small dosage to just try it and see if it works.  I'm honestly not too keen on being on medication, but if it helps then I'm open to it.  

     I'm tired of feeling miserable all the time.  If this is a step in the right direction then I'm willing to try it.  My therapist was surprised that no one address my depression earlier.  I told her that I was diagnosed with moderate depression after my sister died, but the doctor never treated my depression at all.  At this point I'm just trying to distract myself from feeling shitty.  I tried playing guitar yesterday, but I wasn't able to get the results I wanted so I just stopped.  I think I'm just going through a rough patch, and I hope it works out.  That's all I have is hope anyway.    
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About

I'm a 32 year old woman. I'm an artist, and I'm into the Gothic subculture. Things that I enjoy include but are not limited to 80's Music, Reading, Drawing, Animation, Playing bass guitar, Gothic rock, indie music, horror films, anime, comics, video games, and sci-fi novels. I don't know what I'd do without music, and art. I listen to Siouxsie and the Banshees way more than I should.