illusion_is_mine

 This weekend was honestly really stressful.  At work last Friday we had a Christmas Party, and exchanged Secret Santa gifts.  Apparently my Secret Santa didn't like her gift, and responded with "That's it?"  when she saw the gifts I'd bought her.  I always thought Christmas was supposed to be less about the gift, and more about the thought of giving, but apparently that was lost on this person.  Needless to say I had a lot going on last week.  My nephew's murder trial was last week, and I was stressed about that.  I also had another family member on my mother's side pass away recently.  I think because of that I got really emotional when I found out she didn't like the gift, and I cried.  I cried for about 30 minutes, and I was still at work so I was more frustrated with myself because I couldn't stop crying.  My sister saw how upset I was, and asked if she'd said anything to upset me.  

I told her it wasn't her, but what that other woman said about my gift.  I just couldn't believe that someone could be so thoughtless, and dismissive of someone's feelings to say what she said about her gift, even though I really tried to get her something nice.  I was so pissed/frustrated/angry and I guess my emotions just spilled over.  This incident has made me decide to not extend my kindness to people who aren't kind to me.  I'm so tired of being nice to people, and literally getting shit on.  Part of my depression has to do with me being bullied throughout school, and I can't stand people who treat other people horribly.  I probably won't even do the whole secret Santa thing again because of this situation.

     I did hear from a coworker that people on night shift got the same thing from some of their Secret Santa's and have talked about not participating next year.  Why are people so shitty?  I swear some people make me want to live in complete seclusion from the rest of civilization.  People mistake my kindness for weakness.  I've always been a very sensitive, considerate, and caring person and it's caused people to think they can walk all over me.  Well that will not ever happen again I can assure you. 

My blood pressure was really up yesterday and I think it had to do with that situation.  I took the day off work today to try to feel better.  I slept most of the day because I was tired.  My mom mentioned that I didn't look well so I'm glad I took the day off.  Also it was really cold this morning.  I believe it was 19 Degrees which is pretty cold for Texas.  Well that's all for now. 

      So last week was very strange.  I got home from work early on Thursday afternoon, and I all I wanted to do was sleep.  The previous night I hadn't gotten any sleep at all so I was a zombie the next day.  When I got home I took a short nap, and woke to my mom talking on the phone with someone that sounded like they were very angry.  It turns out it was one of those scams when people say that they're from the IRS, and you owe them a bunch of money.  First of all the IRS wouldn't call you, they would just take your money from your bank account if you owed them because they're the fucking IRS.  Since I was just waking up I didn't really know what was going on until I saw my mom in tears telling me to go get my dad.  Turns out they told her if she didn't pay them $5,000 that day they were going to take her to jail.  My mom believed them, and was in tears.  The IRS doesn't really work like that, but these are dubious folks trying to get money so yeah.  I got my dad, and my parents actually proceeded to go to the ATM.  That's when I woke up, and thought about it and realized it was probably someone trying to scam them.

     I called them frantically telling them that it was a scam, and that I looked on the IRS website, and they stated that it was a scam.  Long story short they didn't give them anything, and my dad cursed the guy on the phone out because of how aggressive they were being.  My mom was a nervous wreck the whole day.  I was sleep deprived, and my anxiety was through the roof at this point.  So yeah, people are apparently so horrible that they love to scam people into giving them money by pretending to work for the government.  If I would have answered the phone I'm sure I would have told them to fuck right off, and that I don't have any money.  These people are horrible ugh... 

     On a lighter note I bought a new amplifier for my guitar!  It's a VOX pathfinder amp, and it got a lot of good reviews so I figured I would go with that one.  Learning guitar is coming along.  I learned a bit of a Cure song the other day!  I was so proud of myself for making progress.  I still have a long way to go, and I have to keep telling myself that It's going to take some time to get to where I want to be with guitar.  I've been playing bass for 15 years so it's like second nature.  Anyway I hope you guys are doing well.  Last week was crazy, and I'm glad it's over xD!