illusion_is_mine

 This week was okay I guess.  My dad did end up coming home last Wednesday, and he's going to be having his surgery in a month or so.  It's not as soon as he wanted, but the surgeon is on vacation so that's why they couldn't do it sooner.  He's been doing good, and has been off work so he's had a chance to rest, and recover.  

As for me I've been good.  I had a coworker that annoyed the hell out of me the other day.  The creepy guy that won't leave me alone he an insufferable personality, and apparently he can't enjoy things that take him outside his comfort zone.  He's also super competitive, and immature.  I've actually considered avoiding him altogether because I feel like it's a waste of time talking to someone like him.  Even though we both like video games that's honestly the only thing we have in common, and we have completely different taste in everything else.  Plus he creeps me out, and he legit wears the same clothes everyday.  I usually don't care about stuff like that, but it's like dude you have a job you can afford to care about how you look.  I'm starting to wish I would have never talked to him in the first place.  I even gave him a sort of *hint*, and told him I seem to attract "strange people", and he goes "I'm not that strange", and my response was "If you say so...".  

An old coworker texted me this morning, and mentioned we should have lunch one day.  I was really glad to hear from her because we ended up getting along really well when she worked here, and I'd been wondering what she was up to.  She told me I'd been on her mind which was nice to hear. :)

As for other things I've been reading a new manga I just started called "Black Clover", and I'm really digging it.  I love all the characters, and it's about magic so of course I'm all in.  

As for music I've been listening to all sorts of different stuff.  I honestly couldn't pin point it to one specific genre or specific artists since my tastes has been all over the place lately.  I've been listening to The Fin's newest album, and I've been digging it.  Here's a song from one of their previous albums that I really like called "Till Dawn". 

In other news I'm really excited about the new Tomb Raider game coming out this year "Shadow of the Tomb Raider."  I wasn't too excited at first, but after seeing this video it made my hype level go up quite a bit.  I know a lot of people don't care for the TR reboots, but I honestly love them.  I do not miss the old Tomb Raider games at all, and I grew up on them.  The new games are a breath of fresh air tbh.  

 It's been a strange week.  Do you guys remember that nerdy/creepy guy that wouldn't leave me alone?  Well he's ignoring me now, and the guy I had a on crush a while back is talking to me again.  Why are men like this?  I mean I didn't do anything different, and this whole situation happens.  I guess you don't have to do anything.  Straight men are very strange to be honest.  

I mean I'd be lying if I didn't acknowledge that I was somewhat happy the crush started talking to me, but that's besides the point.  He noticed (I guess?)  I was wearing a Persona 5 shirt, and he's like "Hey Ashley, that's an awesome shirt!"  First of all I didn't think he knew me name, second of all It's cool he likes Persona 5, but I'm still very cautious about this whole thing.  I don't feel like I can trust most straight men, and their intentions towards me.  I mean I'm not against being friends with guys, but they're so goddam fickle it's unreal.  Many of them have no idea what the hell they want weather it be friendship, relationship or otherwise.  I don't like it when people play games with me so I'm over it tbh.  I'll just keep doing me, and remain cautious.  

On a lighter note I ended up pre-ordering Fallout 76 for the beta.  Bethesda is still leaving many of us Fallout fans in the dark about a lot of the game's mechanics, but I figure since I'm playing the beta I should be able to decide weather I enjoy it or not from that.  It's a multiplayer survival rpg apparently, but we'll see how that all plays out.  I've actually found a like-minded group of people on discord to play the game with when it comes out in November so I'm excited.  I'll admit the map of post-apocalyptic West Virginia looks really beautiful, and the No Clip doc on how they made the game won me over.  Here's the trailer Bethesda showed at the e3 conference for the game.  The song they used in the trailer is really perfect.  

 

 This past week was okay, and Happy Easter and Passover to all those who celebrated it.  I had to work, but I ended up getting off early.  My mom is still recovering from her surgery from last week.  She's doing better though.  

Okay so I want to rant about one of my coworkers that I've been talking to for a while.  I started chatting with Eric after asking him if he played a certain game series.  Little did I know he'd follow me to all my lunches, and breaks, and generally come of as annoying.  I really just talk to him to pass the time, but I get really annoyed at the fact that he says things like.
 
Him:  You should do democracy too. (He's obsessed with politics, and volunteers for local politicians campaigns, and what not.)
Me:........................

I do not like anyone telling me what I should be doing.  I'm a bit of a rebel at heart, and I don't like to be told what I 'should' be doing by people who barely know me.  Needless to say It's taken all my resolve to not go off on him a few times.  He also told me one day that I "Jump around from game to game too much.  You need to stick to one game."  Like guy, who the fuck are you?  Seriously there is no correct way to play video games.  Most people play games to unwind, relieve stress, and just chill out.  I've heard many people say that they play whatever games they're in the mood for at that time.  That's how I am.  Needless to say I don't feel like I should have to explain myself to him.  My problem is that I'm too nice, and I never respond appropriately when he says things like this.  I guess it's going to take him saying the wrong thing one day for me to go off on him.  He needs to take a cold hard look in the mirror and realize he's far from perfect.  I could easily point out many of his flaws, but I'm not that type of person.  

Basically in short he's a typical "gamer guy", and he lacks self awareness.  Most of the people at my job can't stand him, and now I see why that is.  He has a horrible personality, and he's just plain boring.  I just wish he would leave me alone.  I always seem to attract people that I'm not interested in at all.  I also blame him for the crush avoiding me probably assuming I'm just like him (which I'm not.)  I don't know, but I wish he would leave the hell alone.  I liked it better when I sat by myself at lunch, and no one bothered me...lol.

Well this week was exhausting tbh.  I've been sort of an emotional roller coaster here lately, but after having a nice heart to heart with my mom, and sister I'm feeling a bit better.  I found out my crush indeed has a girlfriend through my sister.  I'm just glad that I know for sure now.  I don't mind seeing the him at work, but at this point I'll take it in stride.  If he wants to be my friend that's cool, but I won't go out of my way to befriend him at this point.  If it happens it happens, if not I'm not going to beat myself up about it.  I'm actually sort of glad I found out before I got to know him that he has a girlfriend.  At least I know for sure now, and I don't have to wonder.

On a positive note both my coat, and jacket came today and I really love them both.  I'd been intending to buy a winter coat for a while now, but I hadn't really gotten around to it until now.  We've been getting some really cold days so I figured I needed one.  I have coats, but they're sort of worn out so I needed a new one.  I love this one because it's comfortable, and it's meant to keep you warm when it's really cold.

That aside I've been playing lots of Nier Automata since I realized I hadn't come close to finishing it.  My coworker was talking about how much he enjoyed the game, and told me I should finish it.  I'm glad I started playing it again though.  The story is really interesting, and I'm looking forward to seeing how it plays out.  I've also still been playing Assassin's Creed Origins, as well as Dark Souls II.  Despite everything that happened with the crush I have been making other friends at work.  I guess when one door closes another one opens.  Also my sister is convinced that I need to get a puppy which isn't a bad idea tbh.  I'm considering it.  

 Well Christmas is next week.  I'd apparently scheduled a doctor's appointment for today, and completely forgotten about it.  Considering that I scheduled it before my trip to Panama that's understandable.  I ended up cancelling the appointment because who wants to go to the doctor a week before Christmas anyway?  And also the weather looks rather crappy today, and I hate driving in fog.  

As for other things my crush is apparently very witty, and funny.  Our system was down at work on Saturday, and so in usual Nick fashion he's walking around the whole time.  He see's me and my other coworker sitting at a table in the break room looking pretty bored, and he goes "You guys were sitting there the last time I came through here.  You should get up and scratch or something."  lol.  He seems like a fun guy, and I'm just going to taking things slowly right now.  

I discovered this cover while I was browsing youtube over the weekend, and it's really nice.  It's a Christmas song so it fits the theme.  I hope everyone has a great Christmas, and happy holidays in case I don't post before them.  

     I hope everyone enjoyed their mother's day weekend.  Mine was okay, but I had a bit of stress at work.  Remember that person at work that wouldn't leave me alone?  Yeah, she's still at it.  Yesterday when I was working the lights in our area went out.  It scared the crap out of me because my anxiety was really bad yesterday.  Needless to say when I looked up from my cubical I saw that creepy girl, along with another girl standing next to the light switch.  So she's harassing me when I work now?  At this point I'm going to go to my sister and tell her to set her straight and leave me the fuck alone.  I don't care why she's doing it at this point I just want her to stop.  I don't understand people like this at all.  I go to work, and don't bother anyone.  I know that she'll probably deny everything, but it's better to have my sister confront her since she's in management, and they're on friendly terms.  I actually told my sister about this previously, but she didn't take me seriously because "She's really nice."  Well she's nice to you, but she's an asshole to me.  Hopefully this will make her finally leave me the fuck alone.

    On a more positive note I bought my mom and Barnes and Nobels gift card for $25 since she likes reading on her tablet, and a really cute mother's day card.  They all went to my grandmother's house on mother's day, but I decided to go home since I was on edge yesterday.  I was so exhausted mentally from what happened at work I didn't have the energy to deal with anymore people.  

    Also I've been progressing in Persona 5 I'm glad to say.  I finally feel like I'm getting used to the gameplay now.  I've made a few confidants, and I feel like I'm finally forming bonds with them.  I've also been trying to finish Breath of the Wild, but I have one more minor boss to defeat before I head to Hyrule castle.  He ended up being tougher than I thought so I'm going to try to figure out a strategy and beat him today.  I also bought an Assassin's Creed game since the games were on sale on the Playstation store this previous weekend.  I bought Assassin's Creed Syndicate, and I'm really enjoying it so far.  Here's the trailer for the game.   I love steampunk stuff so this game is something I could really get into.

As for music I've been listening to Code Orange's "Forever", Siouxsie and the Banshee's "Superstition", The Creature's "Bestiary of", Balance and Composure "Separation", Title Fight "Hyperview", BTS "You Never Walk Alone", Chevelle "Wonder What's Next", Delain "The Human Contradiction", The Twilight Sad "No One Can Ever Know", and Depeche Mode "Songs of Faith and Devotion".  I need to do a post with my favorite albums I own on Vinyl now that I'm thinking about it.  It'll probably come in the near future.  

My birthday is in a few weeks!  I took that week off work, and I'm glad I did.  I will need that vacation from the stress of work considering what's been going on lately. 

 I know it's been a while since I've  posted, but I'll update today with bullet points cause it's easier!  

• My mom's birthday is friday, and my niece is planing a surprise party at a resturant called Bone Daddy's.  Now I asked my coworker about the place, and it turns out it similar to hooters?  I'm not sure why she picked that place...lmao.  Either way I get to see hot women walking around serving food so I'm definitely not opposed to it xD!   
• My parents and I finally sent off for our passports, and we should be getting them in about a month.  I'm getting really excited about the Panama trip you guys!  It's coming up rather quickly.
• I've been playing Xenoblade Chronicles, which is fun as hell.  I love the fighting system in that game.  I've also been playing Fallout 4, and I'm really enjoying that one a lot.  I found this excellent video by The Game Theorist where he does an interesting analysis of what happened to the people after the nuclear fallout.  
• Spring is finally here!  I've had to take out my shorts, and capri pants because as you know the heat in Texas can be brutal.  It's mostly been comfortable t-shirts, and capris for me these days.
• That strange girl that was sort of following me around at work hit on my sister when they went to a club.  I had to laugh when my mom told me because it was just predictable.  I mean I figured she wouldn't hit on her boss, but apparently she has no common sense at all whatsoever. 
• I decided to get my mom a nice birthday card, and some money for her birthday.  She's been complaining about being broke so I figured money would be a great gift..lol.
• My allergies have been kicking my ass, and I think the fact that spring is right around the corner isn't helping at all. :( 
• That's all for now. :D

So my day was okay.  It got off to a somewhat stressful start cause some person ran a stop sign, and ran in front of my car.  Luckily "I" was paying attention because they sure as hell weren't.  People here drive so horribly, I can't.

Most of the news media keeps talking about the inauguration tomorrow, and I'm pretty much just avoiding reading anything about it.  I've been in good spirits lately, and I won't let anything spoil it if I can help it.

My parents, and I have been getting ready for our trip to Panama in the summer.  We have to get our passports, get our money together, and some other stuff.  I found out that we're actually having a family reunion there, which I wasn't aware of.  Apparently we get to stay at a resort on a private island so that's pretty awesome.  I'm actually really excited about going since it will be my first time out of the country.

As for gaming things I've been playing lots of Bloodborne, and Uncharted 4.  Both games are really fun, but I have to say Bloodborne is super difficult.  It's not one of those games where your character moves from place to place, but more like your trying to figure out how to make your way through a town full of weird looking dead people, and creepy henchmen without getting killed.  It's easier said than done I've realized so far.  That aside I'm progressing rather well in Uncharted so far.  I was sad when his brother got killed.  Also I bought a Gameboy Advance (it looks like this) cause I've always wanted a gameboy.  I've also really been into retro games lately.  I never got to play a lot of the older gameboy titles, and some Nintendo titles even though I had an NES as a kid.  I mostly had really crappy games, and the first 3 Mario games...lol.   I really want to check out Pokemon titles, Metroid, Castlevania (which it comes with), and a bunch of the more well known Nintendo titles like Mario, Kirby, and Donky Kong.  I can't wait to get it.

Next Tuesday I have to go to Jury Duty, which I'm not looking forward to.  I really just hate all the waiting around for several hours, because who likes doing that anyway?  Either way I'll take it in stride and hope that things move along quickly, and that they don't pick me.  

 This weekend was honestly really stressful.  At work last Friday we had a Christmas Party, and exchanged Secret Santa gifts.  Apparently my Secret Santa didn't like her gift, and responded with "That's it?"  when she saw the gifts I'd bought her.  I always thought Christmas was supposed to be less about the gift, and more about the thought of giving, but apparently that was lost on this person.  Needless to say I had a lot going on last week.  My nephew's murder trial was last week, and I was stressed about that.  I also had another family member on my mother's side pass away recently.  I think because of that I got really emotional when I found out she didn't like the gift, and I cried.  I cried for about 30 minutes, and I was still at work so I was more frustrated with myself because I couldn't stop crying.  My sister saw how upset I was, and asked if she'd said anything to upset me.  

I told her it wasn't her, but what that other woman said about my gift.  I just couldn't believe that someone could be so thoughtless, and dismissive of someone's feelings to say what she said about her gift, even though I really tried to get her something nice.  I was so pissed/frustrated/angry and I guess my emotions just spilled over.  This incident has made me decide to not extend my kindness to people who aren't kind to me.  I'm so tired of being nice to people, and literally getting shit on.  Part of my depression has to do with me being bullied throughout school, and I can't stand people who treat other people horribly.  I probably won't even do the whole secret Santa thing again because of this situation.

     I did hear from a coworker that people on night shift got the same thing from some of their Secret Santa's and have talked about not participating next year.  Why are people so shitty?  I swear some people make me want to live in complete seclusion from the rest of civilization.  People mistake my kindness for weakness.  I've always been a very sensitive, considerate, and caring person and it's caused people to think they can walk all over me.  Well that will not ever happen again I can assure you. 

My blood pressure was really up yesterday and I think it had to do with that situation.  I took the day off work today to try to feel better.  I slept most of the day because I was tired.  My mom mentioned that I didn't look well so I'm glad I took the day off.  Also it was really cold this morning.  I believe it was 19 Degrees which is pretty cold for Texas.  Well that's all for now. 

This week was a lot better than last week.  Yesterday while I was at work one of my coworkers ran and grabbed a hold of my shirt and seemed pretty scared.  Apparently she saw a cricket, and freaked out...lmao.  I'm not scared of bugs so I was just like really confused about the whole thing.  I also was amused because she didn't even know me, and she just sort of ran to me and grabbed me like I could save her or something xD!  

As for me I've been doing good.  I got off work early today so right now I'm just chilling.  I'm actually going to go watch a few episodes of "Stranger Things", because I love that show.  It has this whole 80's/horror movie aesthetic that's totally right up my ally.  I also really love the music on the show.  I might have to pick up the soundtrack.  

Aside from Stranger Things I've been watching lots of Dragon Ball.  I got my younger male cousins into it actually.  They came over the other day while I was watching it.  I tried to explain what was happening as much as I could...lol.  They're noobs when it comes to anime so I have to school them a little bit.  I finally bought a copy of Season 5 so I can say I'm finally finished collecting DVD's for Dragonball, Gundam Wing, Macross Plus,  Escaflowne the TV series, and just recently the first OVA of Hellsing.  What can I say I love my old school anime titles.  

I bought some new music.  The KMFDM, Messhugah, and D'espairs Ray CD's aren't really new but I got great deals on all of them.  That Delain CD, as well as the Creative Adult CD's are all new.  Creative Adult is a post-punk band from Run For Cover records.  I really enjoyed their album "Fear of Life" so I bought a physical copy.  D'espairsray has been a favorite of mine for a while now.  I would say I got into them right when I got into Dir en grey back in 2004.  I love Hizumi's voice, and it's unfortunate that they broke up, but that's how it goes sometimes.  Delain's newest album Moonbathers is something I picked up recently.  I have to say it's my favorite album of theirs.  I like it a bit more than "The Human Contridiction", which I also really like.   

Anyway here are pics of the new CD's.  Nothing too spectacular, but yay for new music.  
( Read more... )