illusion_is_mine

    My week was surprisingly good.  I've had a new rule when it comes to idiot people in public, or at work  I just ignore them.  I downloaded a NES emulator app for my phone, and that's been a good distraction from people lately.  In particular the psycho girl at my job that I felt like was stalking me at a certain point even took the hint.  I've also realized that I get along better with people a lot older than me, as opposed to people my own age.  It's always been that way for me honestly.

My parents and I have been trying to get everything ready for the Panama trip this summer.  I'm excited about leaving the country for the first time.  I need a break from Texas.  The people here put me in such a foul mood sometimes I feel like I need a vacation from this place.

I bought some new video game stuff.  I've been on a huge final fantasy kick lately (like most days), and I decided to complete some of my FF collection and get these guys.

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Also I got these because my last gameboy I bought didn't have a backlit screen so I settled for this Japanese Gameboy Advance SP in blue.  Also These 2 games, as well as Street Fighter V which isn't pictured here.  I still have a few issues with the way Capcom is marketing SFV so I'm slightly pissed off at them.  They basically thought it was a good idea to charge you for like 2 separate seasons of DLC which is criminal.  Luckily for me the Playstation store had season 1's dlc on sale for $9.99 so I went ahead and bought season 1.  I got that deluxe edition of Titanfall 2 for only $25 on ebay brand new.  I've been finding some great deals lately.  Titanfall 2 is amazing so far!  I love how they expanded on the last game, and made a one player campaign mode for this one.  

Aside from video games I've been listening to a bit of music.  I've been listening to lots of Balance and Composure, Code Orange, Anathema, Kamelot, Katatonia, Lacuna Coil, D'espairsray, Title Fight, and a few others.  

Also I heard the new Linkin Park song, and it's not what I expected from them.  I think they've forgotten they're a rock band...lol.  I mean I guess it's not completely terrible for a pop song, but it's not what I would expect from them.  Needless to say I probably won't be buying their new album.  I guess I should have predicted they would go more in this direction considering the past few singles they've been putting out.  I do like the female vocals in the song a lot more than Chester's.  If she wasn't in the song it would probably be really boring.  Chester's vocals have really gone downhill in the past couple of years.  

 This past week was exhausting but I got through it.  It wasn't so much anything happened really, but that I'd been sick earlier this week so I had to recover.  I have a slight sinus headache today, but I did take something for it.  I'll probably rest later to fully get rid of this annoying headache.

As for other things I've been looking for a chair for my room.  Something that's comfortable that I can fold up and put away since my room is rather small.  The one I actually bought from Target looks something like this.  I haven't used it yet, but I'm mostly looking forward to using it for gaming.  I was sitting on my bed to play games, but I needed something to support my back a bit so I settled on this chair.  I'm going to use it tonight when I play FFXV, and a few other games that I've bought recently.  I also bought Resident Evil 4 which I've been wanting to check out for a while.  I've been a fan of the Resident Evil game franchise for a while now.  I would say ever since I played Resident Evil 2 on the Playstation when I was younger.  I also downloaded Fire Emblem for my android phone since it was free on the google play store.  I've been wanting to check that game out for a while now.  

Other than gaming I've been listening to music, and what not.  I've been sort of neglecting my guitar, but  I plan to fix that this week.  So far I've learned quite a few songs on guitar.  I just learned "Zombie" by The Cranberries, and "A Forest" by The Cure.  The Cure has honestly been my go to band for learning songs on guitar.  I really like their overall sound, and some of the first songs I learned were Cure songs.  I've also been listening to a little bit of K-pop, and Neo Soul type stuff.  My taste is all over the place depending on what mood I'm in.  My current favorites are Code Orange's "Forever" album, The Final Fantasy VII OST, "Peripheral Vision" by Turnover, "Ashes Against the Grain" by Agalloch, "The Sound of Perseverance" by Death, "A Kiss in the Dream House" by Siouxsie and the Banshees",  and "Coll:set" by D'espairsRay.  On a random note I noticed H&M has this Siouxsie shirt.  I was surprised that they had a Siouxsie shirt, but I guess they had a Joy Division shirt so it's not that surprising.  I kind of rolled my eyes at the holes in the shirt cause I guess they're trying to appeal to hipsters or something.  I always thought punk was about the whole DIY thing.  I mean I modified my own Siouxsie shirt, and the idea of buying a shirt with pre-existing holes has never been appealing to me.  If I want a certain look I figure I can do it myself.  But I guess today's youth lack that certain initiative that we had in the past.  

I'm still reading "Ash" by Malinda Lo, and it's getting interesting.  I've just gotten to a part where a major character was killed, and that made me a bit sad.  It happened pretty suddenly.  Either way the story is developing nicely.  

 Yesterday I had to go to Jury Duty because I'd gotten a summons earlier in the month.  Most people (including myself), really hate serving on a jury here, but people acknowledge that it's a good thing to have a jury of your peers.  I was really anxious that I would get picked, and had been dreading it for a while.  So when I got there they had everyone sit in a massive sized jury room, and we waited...and waited, and waited.  My god the waiting was probably the worst part.  I sat next o some old guy who kept acting like he didn't want me to touch him for some reason, and another lady.  I'm used to older white people here being bigots so that didn't phase me one bit.  I took out my phone, and opened my NES emulator app and started playing Legend of Zelda to distract myself.  

After away they picked people for the first few trials, and then we were told we were "taking a break until 10:30", much to the dismay of everyone there.  I got up and went to the restroom, and came back.  I made sure to sit somewhere else where I wouldn't have to sit next to anyone cause (people = nope), and continued playing Zelda.  Eventually a really nice lady came and sat next to me, and asked me if I'd done this before.  I told her I had, and that I'd served on a civil trial for 3 days.  She told me she'd served on a trial for 5 days, and that she'd gotten used to the whole jury process at this point.  After the break the announcer guy tells us that we were all free to go, and then goes "Wait!  I think we have one more trial!" which was quite annoying.  I was pretty certain they would call my number since I was juror 312, and they were getting close to the 200's.  I caught a very close break when the last trial ended at number 299.  Then they called a roll call of the people that were still there, and we were told we could leave.  I was relieved  that I hadn't been picked, because the time for the last trial didn't start till 1pm, and the people that were there had to wait until then to go up to the court room.  

I left the parking garage and encounter some rude driver who came the wrong gate and proceeded to jump in the turning lane in front of me.  After the whole getting up early, dealing with everything I'd decided that I deserved to treat myself, and stopped to get myself a burger because I was hungry.  I was so glad to be home after that was over. I really hate getting picked for jury duty.  My anxiety goes into overdrive, and I just want to get the fuck outta there.  

 

So I'm sure you guys are tired of hearing me talk about games lately, but I just got a new console so I'm very excited XD!  So here's a picture of everything I have so far.  I've gotten a chance to play 2 of the 3 games you see here, and I love them both!  I played Tomb Raider first which was very exciting, and has really nice visual effects.  Then I played a few other free games from the Playstation store.  

Getting a subscription for Playstation Now made me realize how expensive it can be for someone who's hardcore into gaming.  Needless to say I cancelled my subscription to Playstation Now because I figured it wasn't worth it for what I wanted to get out of my gaming experience.  For now I'll just buy the physical copies of games I want and leave it at that.  I have 2 more games that I ordered coming in probably next week.  I finally broke down and bough FFXV because the demo was super fun, and Dragonball Z Xenoverse cause I'm a huge fan of the series.  I really like the whole open world environments on FFXV.  It really enhances the overall playing experience.  I will acknowledge that the plot is non-existent, or rather not clear if you haven't seen the movie/anime adaptation, but it's still an enjoyable game to play nonetheless.  

After that I played Uncharted 4, and it looks amazing!  Half the time I can't tell whats part of the cinematic, and what's the game because everything looks so nice.  To give you an idea of how it looks here's a gif.  ( Read more... )

Other than gaming my parents had a new alarm system installed today, and it's very good.  We can operate it from our smart phones, which is something that is becoming more common place nowadays.

For the most part I've been enjoying my vacation from work, and playing video games mostly.  It feels good to be able to rest, and breath for a while without being stressed out like crazy.  Gaming has also been distracting me from thinking about politics which is a good thing considering all the craziness that's been going on lately.  Maybe I'm at the point where I have some sort of cognitive dissonance about how fucked up everything thing seems now.  I'm not sure, but for my sanity I'm trying not to focus on the negative.   I will try to make a post that's not about video games in the future. lol.  

 So I did a bit of early spring cleaning today, and ended up finding my credit card for my health benefits I'd been looking for!  I was like "OMG!  Now I don't have to pay out of my ass for my medication, or to go to the doctor."  My health insurance has a really pricey deductible so I was still trying to pay that down, and that made my payments for my meds, and doctor visits somewhat expensive.  I was paying out of pocket which I really couldn't afford.  This is great because my job contributes money to this particular card, and gives you incentives if you don't smoke and other things.  This means that I can use that card, and not have to spend my own money on medical expenses.  Needless to say my 2017 is getting off to a decent start.


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As for gaming this my collectors edition of FFXII came in the mail recently, and the packaging is pretty snazzy.  It comes with a bonus dvd with special features.  I've never seen packaging like this for PS2 games so I was impressed with the case xD!  

In other news I never did any recaps for my favorite albums of 2016 so I'll do it now.  I'll just list them in no particular order.

• ( favorite albums of 2016 )

I think that's about it.  If it's not here then I haven't listened to it yet.  I still have a few albums from last year that I need to listen to fully.  I like to give albums my full attention.  I can say I'm defiantly more of an album person more so than a singles person.  I really dig that Touche Amore record a lot.  It's about the vocalist's mother who died of cancer so you can really fell the singer's pain in a lot of the songs.  These are a mixture of different albums from different genres.  I just put them all there together because it's easier.  

Merry Christmas to everyone who celebrates it.  My Christmas has been pretty good so far.  I hope everyone else enjoys spending time with family and friends.  I'll post an after Christmas post later. :) 

 This weekend was honestly really stressful.  At work last Friday we had a Christmas Party, and exchanged Secret Santa gifts.  Apparently my Secret Santa didn't like her gift, and responded with "That's it?"  when she saw the gifts I'd bought her.  I always thought Christmas was supposed to be less about the gift, and more about the thought of giving, but apparently that was lost on this person.  Needless to say I had a lot going on last week.  My nephew's murder trial was last week, and I was stressed about that.  I also had another family member on my mother's side pass away recently.  I think because of that I got really emotional when I found out she didn't like the gift, and I cried.  I cried for about 30 minutes, and I was still at work so I was more frustrated with myself because I couldn't stop crying.  My sister saw how upset I was, and asked if she'd said anything to upset me.  

I told her it wasn't her, but what that other woman said about my gift.  I just couldn't believe that someone could be so thoughtless, and dismissive of someone's feelings to say what she said about her gift, even though I really tried to get her something nice.  I was so pissed/frustrated/angry and I guess my emotions just spilled over.  This incident has made me decide to not extend my kindness to people who aren't kind to me.  I'm so tired of being nice to people, and literally getting shit on.  Part of my depression has to do with me being bullied throughout school, and I can't stand people who treat other people horribly.  I probably won't even do the whole secret Santa thing again because of this situation.

     I did hear from a coworker that people on night shift got the same thing from some of their Secret Santa's and have talked about not participating next year.  Why are people so shitty?  I swear some people make me want to live in complete seclusion from the rest of civilization.  People mistake my kindness for weakness.  I've always been a very sensitive, considerate, and caring person and it's caused people to think they can walk all over me.  Well that will not ever happen again I can assure you. 

My blood pressure was really up yesterday and I think it had to do with that situation.  I took the day off work today to try to feel better.  I slept most of the day because I was tired.  My mom mentioned that I didn't look well so I'm glad I took the day off.  Also it was really cold this morning.  I believe it was 19 Degrees which is pretty cold for Texas.  Well that's all for now. 

 So there's been this really strange girl at my job that I think is obsessed with me.  First of all this has been going on for a few months.  I initially just brushed it off, but It looks like I'll have to confront her.  The other day when I was eating lunch she sat at my table.  I didn't really care because I was looking at my phone, and minding my own business.  She says hi to me, and I tell her hi back then the next thing I know she's moving to another table.  She keeps playing these weird mind games with me, and it's really getting on my nerves.  

I've also noticed that she's started taking her breaks and lunches at the same time as me recently.  One time while I was heating up my food in the microwave she looked me up and down in a manner that made me incredibly uncomfortable.  We've never actually had a conversation, and I'm not sure why she keeps doing random weird shit to get my attention, but it's mostly just annoying the crap out of me.  I've heard her ask other people about me, and she got annoyed when I told her "I don't really talk that much", which is actually true.  To be honest I was just put off by her, and I guess I subconsciously got bad vibes about her initially.   I'm not sure what hear deal is, but for now I'm going to just try to ignore her unless she gets out of hand.  Then I'll confront her, and I won't be so nice anymore.  

Jim Morrison was definitely right about people being strange.  

Also this situation reminds me of this song a bit.  The backstory about this song is that the band's manager was apparently obsessed with Siouxsie to the point to where it was rather creepy.  She wrote this song about the situation from the stalker's POV.  

I've been wanting to do one of these posts for a while. So I figured I'd post about some of my current favorite modern Gothic rock, and Post-punk bands. Most people in the scene know about the older bands so I figured I talk about the more modern bands that I enjoy. I will mention that some of these bands range from Gothic Rock, to Coldwave, to post-punk, and all of the various other sub-genres in the Gothic scene. I also posted pictures of the bands in case you guys are visual people like myself.

Since I'm not sure if i'll be tied up with family tomorrow or not I wanted to wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving if you celebrate it.  

I got a little bit of Christmas shopping done today with my mom.  I bought my cousin's 2 sons Avengers action figures that I'm sure they'll love, my friend some really cute Pikachu socks that were on sale, as well as my friend's mom some Harry Potter socks since I remembered she was a huge fan.  I also bought myself a few things.  I found the cutest Pokemon tank top, and some really cute Pikachu slippers.  I also bought a Darth Vader beanie that was only $3 which was a steal.  I'll have to take pictures when I get the chance.  

I finally got the check from that Insurance company, and it was what I did a little bit of my Christmas shopping with.  I'm just glad to get a few gifts out of the way.  It feels good.

As for other things I've been really stressed about the political climate around here lately.  I decided to deactivate my Facebook page for a week or so because a lot of stuff people post on there triggered my anxiety quite a bit.  I'm just so tired of all the depressing news everywhere about Trump's election, and all the horrible hate crimes that have been happening.  Since it's the holidays I figured it would be best for me to take a break from the news, Facebook, and anything else that triggers my anxiety for a while.  My blood pressure was actually up yesterday because I was stressing so much about political stuff.  I've also been having some annoying side effects from my blood pressure medication.  Mainly lots of sweating, rapid heart beat, and just feeling exhausted.  If it doesn't improve I'll notify my doctor about the side effects.  I'll probably tell her anyway since I have an appointment on the 7th of December.  

Aside from that I've been doing good.  I've been catching up on reading Red Rising, Game of Thrones, and other books.  I've been also re-watching "Record of Lodoss War", "Kino's Journey", and a few other random anime titles.  I watched a movie on Netflix last night called "Hush" due to a friend's recommendation, and it was really good.  

I helped my mom make an apple pie earlier today for tomorrow.  It turned out pretty good!  I also helped her with some of her other cooking she had to do.  Anyway I think I'm going to go do some reading.  I hope everyone enjoys the holiday.  :)