illusion_is_mine: (Default)
     I hope everyone enjoyed their mother's day weekend.  Mine was okay, but I had a bit of stress at work.  Remember that person at work that wouldn't leave me alone?  Yeah, she's still at it.  Yesterday when I was working the lights in our area went out.  It scared the crap out of me because my anxiety was really bad yesterday.  Needless to say when I looked up from my cubical I saw that creepy girl, along with another girl standing next to the light switch.  So she's harassing me when I work now?  At this point I'm going to go to my sister and tell her to set her straight and leave me the fuck alone.  I don't care why she's doing it at this point I just want her to stop.  I don't understand people like this at all.  I go to work, and don't bother anyone.  I know that she'll probably deny everything, but it's better to have my sister confront her since she's in management, and they're on friendly terms.  I actually told my sister about this previously, but she didn't take me seriously because "She's really nice."  Well she's nice to you, but she's an asshole to me.  Hopefully this will make her finally leave me the fuck alone.

    On a more positive note I bought my mom and Barnes and Nobels gift card for $25 since she likes reading on her tablet, and a really cute mother's day card.  They all went to my grandmother's house on mother's day, but I decided to go home since I was on edge yesterday.  I was so exhausted mentally from what happened at work I didn't have the energy to deal with anymore people.  

    Also I've been progressing in Persona 5 I'm glad to say.  I finally feel like I'm getting used to the gameplay now.  I've made a few confidants, and I feel like I'm finally forming bonds with them.  I've also been trying to finish Breath of the Wild, but I have one more minor boss to defeat before I head to Hyrule castle.  He ended up being tougher than I thought so I'm going to try to figure out a strategy and beat him today.  I also bought an Assassin's Creed game since the games were on sale on the Playstation store this previous weekend.  I bought Assassin's Creed Syndicate, and I'm really enjoying it so far.  Here's the trailer for the game.   I love steampunk stuff so this game is something I could really get into.

As for music I've been listening to Code Orange's "Forever", Siouxsie and the Banshee's "Superstition", The Creature's "Bestiary of", Balance and Composure "Separation", Title Fight "Hyperview", BTS "You Never Walk Alone", Chevelle "Wonder What's Next", Delain "The Human Contradiction", The Twilight Sad "No One Can Ever Know", and Depeche Mode "Songs of Faith and Devotion".  I need to do a post with my favorite albums I own on Vinyl now that I'm thinking about it.  It'll probably come in the near future.  

My birthday is in a few weeks!  I took that week off work, and I'm glad I did.  I will need that vacation from the stress of work considering what's been going on lately. 
illusion_is_mine: (link 2)
Work has been up and down lately.  I've been more productive overall, but today in the break room I heard this girl talking about me.  I don't want to get into the whole backstory, but basically she's been talking shit about me for a while now.  Apparently she hasn't gotten over the fact that I don't want to be her BFF.  I mean at one point I thought she was stalking me because she would always have the same breaks and lunches as me.  Now I'm not sure what her problem is I just wish she would leave me the hell alone.  People can be really weird sometimes.  

That aside I've been mostly playing Breath of the Wild, Persona 5, and Uncharted 4 in terms of gaming.  Persona 5 is really fun, and I'm getting the hang of the overall gameplay.  I'm also trying to make  Right now most of the kids hate me because I'm a "criminal", and they're scared of me or whatever.  I'm making progress though.  On BoTW I'm closer to finishing the game, and I finally obtained the Master Sword.  I was so proud of myself when I found it.  I actually got lost looking for the Lost Woods which was kind of funny.  On Uncharted 4 I'm driving a 4 wheeler through Madagascar which is pretty fun, and I get to kill bad guys which is always fun.  

My sister got a new puppy.  Her name is Sky, and she has really pretty blue eyes.  She's a white husky, and I believe she was rescued from a litter of puppies that were being neglected.  My sister is nursing her back to health, and she's still trying to get used to her new surroundings right now.  She brought her over our house the other day.  Apparently she loves my mom, and my mom basically held her like a  She's sort of shy, and still acts scared of people right now.  She likes to hide under the couch, but when my mom called her she came right out.  So she really likes my  

That's all for now.  
illusion_is_mine: (Haikyuu!! - Hinata)
 I know it's been a while since I've  posted, but I'll update today with bullet points cause it's easier!  
  • My mom's birthday is friday, and my niece is planing a surprise party at a resturant called Bone Daddy's.  Now I asked my coworker about the place, and it turns out it similar to hooters?  I'm not sure why she picked that place...lmao.  Either way I get to see hot women walking around serving food so I'm definitely not opposed to it xD!   
  • My parents and I finally sent off for our passports, and we should be getting them in about a month.  I'm getting really excited about the Panama trip you guys!  It's coming up rather quickly.
  • I've been playing Xenoblade Chronicles, which is fun as hell.  I love the fighting system in that game.  I've also been playing Fallout 4, and I'm really enjoying that one a lot.  I found this excellent video by The Game Theorist where he does an interesting analysis of what happened to the people after the nuclear fallout.  
  • Spring is finally here!  I've had to take out my shorts, and capri pants because as you know the heat in Texas can be brutal.  It's mostly been comfortable t-shirts, and capris for me these days.
  • That strange girl that was sort of following me around at work hit on my sister when they went to a club.  I had to laugh when my mom told me because it was just predictable.  I mean I figured she wouldn't hit on her boss, but apparently she has no common sense at all whatsoever. 
  • I decided to get my mom a nice birthday card, and some money for her birthday.  She's been complaining about being broke so I figured money would be a great
  • My allergies have been kicking my ass, and I think the fact that spring is right around the corner isn't helping at all. :( 
  • That's all for now. :D
illusion_is_mine: (Default)
    My week was surprisingly good.  I've had a new rule when it comes to idiot people in public, or at work  I just ignore them.  I downloaded a NES emulator app for my phone, and that's been a good distraction from people lately.  In particular the psycho girl at my job that I felt like was stalking me at a certain point even took the hint.  I've also realized that I get along better with people a lot older than me, as opposed to people my own age.  It's always been that way for me honestly.

My parents and I have been trying to get everything ready for the Panama trip this summer.  I'm excited about leaving the country for the first time.  I need a break from Texas.  The people here put me in such a foul mood sometimes I feel like I need a vacation from this place.

I bought some new video game stuff.  I've been on a huge final fantasy kick lately (like most days), and I decided to complete some of my FF collection and get these guys.

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Also I got these because my last gameboy I bought didn't have a backlit screen so I settled for this Japanese Gameboy Advance SP in blue.  Also These 2 games, as well as Street Fighter V which isn't pictured here.  I still have a few issues with the way Capcom is marketing SFV so I'm slightly pissed off at them.  They basically thought it was a good idea to charge you for like 2 separate seasons of DLC which is criminal.  Luckily for me the Playstation store had season 1's dlc on sale for $9.99 so I went ahead and bought season 1.  I got that deluxe edition of Titanfall 2 for only $25 on ebay brand new.  I've been finding some great deals lately.  Titanfall 2 is amazing so far!  I love how they expanded on the last game, and made a one player campaign mode for this one.  

Aside from video games I've been listening to a bit of music.  I've been listening to lots of Balance and Composure, Code Orange, Anathema, Kamelot, Katatonia, Lacuna Coil, D'espairsray, Title Fight, and a few others.  

Also I heard the new Linkin Park song, and it's not what I expected from them.  I think they've forgotten they're a rock  I mean I guess it's not completely terrible for a pop song, but it's not what I would expect from them.  Needless to say I probably won't be buying their new album.  I guess I should have predicted they would go more in this direction considering the past few singles they've been putting out.  I do like the female vocals in the song a lot more than Chester's.  If she wasn't in the song it would probably be really boring.  Chester's vocals have really gone downhill in the past couple of years.  
illusion_is_mine: (DBZ - Goku)
So my day was okay.  It got off to a somewhat stressful start cause some person ran a stop sign, and ran in front of my car.  Luckily "I" was paying attention because they sure as hell weren't.  People here drive so horribly, I can't.

Most of the news media keeps talking about the inauguration tomorrow, and I'm pretty much just avoiding reading anything about it.  I've been in good spirits lately, and I won't let anything spoil it if I can help it.

My parents, and I have been getting ready for our trip to Panama in the summer.  We have to get our passports, get our money together, and some other stuff.  I found out that we're actually having a family reunion there, which I wasn't aware of.  Apparently we get to stay at a resort on a private island so that's pretty awesome.  I'm actually really excited about going since it will be my first time out of the country.

As for gaming things I've been playing lots of Bloodborne, and Uncharted 4.  Both games are really fun, but I have to say Bloodborne is super difficult.  It's not one of those games where your character moves from place to place, but more like your trying to figure out how to make your way through a town full of weird looking dead people, and creepy henchmen without getting killed.  It's easier said than done I've realized so far.  That aside I'm progressing rather well in Uncharted so far.  I was sad when his brother got killed.  Also I bought a Gameboy Advance (it looks like this) cause I've always wanted a gameboy.  I've also really been into retro games lately.  I never got to play a lot of the older gameboy titles, and some Nintendo titles even though I had an NES as a kid.  I mostly had really crappy games, and the first 3 Mario   I really want to check out Pokemon titles, Metroid, Castlevania (which it comes with), and a bunch of the more well known Nintendo titles like Mario, Kirby, and Donky Kong.  I can't wait to get it.

Next Tuesday I have to go to Jury Duty, which I'm not looking forward to.  I really just hate all the waiting around for several hours, because who likes doing that anyway?  Either way I'll take it in stride and hope that things move along quickly, and that they don't pick me.  

illusion_is_mine: (Default)
 I took the day off work yesterday to take some much needed care of myself due to the stressful weekend.  I'm feeling much better today.  

My friend and I are supposed to exchange gifts today.  She sent me a message saying that we're still doing the gift exchange today so I'm excited about that.  I hope she likes her gift.  I bought her a gift card to a book store (she loves to read), some pikachu socks, and a few other things that I figured she would like.  I also put a cute little mini anime figure from fruits basket in her gift because I got them in an anime crate, and I didn't use them so I figured she would like it.  

As for other things I spent most of yesterday sleeping, and played a few video games.  I played a bit of Titanfall that morning.  It's very therapeutic to killed bad guys in video games when you're mad at the world.  It makes me feel like I have some control over some things in life which is reassuring.  

I also forgot to mention the one good thing that happened at work.  I received my Secret Santa gift and it ended up being really awesome.  She bought me 2 graphic novel comic books.  One of Suicide Squad, and the other of  Harley Quinn, and 2 pairs of Pajamas with face masks, as well as some really cute socks.  The person that was my secret santa is good friends with my sister so she really tried to get me something nice.  I told her thank you, and that I really liked the gift.  She was worried if I would like the comics, and I reassured her that I like comic books in general, and will literally read any comic book.  I was very pleased with my gift.  

As for music I started listening to Sopor Aeternus & The Ensemble Of Shadows, and I'm really enjoying her stuff so far!  I wish I would have gotten into her music sooner.  I'd heard a lot about her, but hadn't listened to her music until recently.  I'm really enjoying the "Children of the Corn" album quite a bit.  Her blog posts are also really hilarious.  
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illusion_is_mine: (Default)
 This weekend was honestly really stressful.  At work last Friday we had a Christmas Party, and exchanged Secret Santa gifts.  Apparently my Secret Santa didn't like her gift, and responded with "That's it?"  when she saw the gifts I'd bought her.  I always thought Christmas was supposed to be less about the gift, and more about the thought of giving, but apparently that was lost on this person.  Needless to say I had a lot going on last week.  My nephew's murder trial was last week, and I was stressed about that.  I also had another family member on my mother's side pass away recently.  I think because of that I got really emotional when I found out she didn't like the gift, and I cried.  I cried for about 30 minutes, and I was still at work so I was more frustrated with myself because I couldn't stop crying.  My sister saw how upset I was, and asked if she'd said anything to upset me.  

I told her it wasn't her, but what that other woman said about my gift.  I just couldn't believe that someone could be so thoughtless, and dismissive of someone's feelings to say what she said about her gift, even though I really tried to get her something nice.  I was so pissed/frustrated/angry and I guess my emotions just spilled over.  This incident has made me decide to not extend my kindness to people who aren't kind to me.  I'm so tired of being nice to people, and literally getting shit on.  Part of my depression has to do with me being bullied throughout school, and I can't stand people who treat other people horribly.  I probably won't even do the whole secret Santa thing again because of this situation.

     I did hear from a coworker that people on night shift got the same thing from some of their Secret Santa's and have talked about not participating next year.  Why are people so shitty?  I swear some people make me want to live in complete seclusion from the rest of civilization.  People mistake my kindness for weakness.  I've always been a very sensitive, considerate, and caring person and it's caused people to think they can walk all over me.  Well that will not ever happen again I can assure you. 

My blood pressure was really up yesterday and I think it had to do with that situation.  I took the day off work today to try to feel better.  I slept most of the day because I was tired.  My mom mentioned that I didn't look well so I'm glad I took the day off.  Also it was really cold this morning.  I believe it was 19 Degrees which is pretty cold for Texas.  Well that's all for now. 
illusion_is_mine: (SOM: Patricia Morrison)
 This week was okay, but mostly exhausting.  I actually crashed last night at about 9pm.  The night before last I was asleep, and my parents were gone out.  All of a sudden at 2am the phone rings, and of course it's an anonymous caller.  I sighed as I stared at the caller ID, and turned over to try to go back to sleep.  Unfortunately I was only able to get a few hours of sleep before I had to go to work the next morning.  Needless to say I was a zombie most of the day, and I kept yawning all day long.  One of my coworkers saw that I started yawning and she's like "No Ashley, don't do that" lol.  I was like "Look some anonymous caller called the house at 2am so needless to say I'm tired." And she just laughed and walked off. 

I also realized that when I'm tired my sarcasm is increases significantly.  I had my coworker laughing the day before because the supervisor on shift had us looking for something, and I was just like.

"They're making us do this because they don't want to do it!  I mean who would want to do this anyway." *exasperated sigh*  

Anyway besides an exhausting work day on Saturday my week was fine.  

I was dressed up in my gothic finery yesterday because I could have sworn that they mentioned we had to dress business casual, but my job is full of fail and miscommunication.  Needless to say we didn't have to dress up because they got the days mixed up.  I just shrugged and told my coworker at least I was still comfortable.  After I left work yesterday I came home, and tried to check emails.  Afterwards I tried to watch some DBZ but i just crashed.  When I woke up it was almost 8pm and my niece Erica was there.  She had just gotten back from the state fair, and told us about it.  She's been worried about her cousin, my other niece Shelbi, lately because she just seems to be angry all the time these days.  She told me that she felt like it was because she was still dealing with her brother's (my nephew) passing from last year.  She's still got a lot of anger about what happened, and she never really went to therapy for it.  I told her that maybe Shelbi needs to go talk to someone about her anger issues and she agreed.  I don't think she ever really dealt with her grief and that might have something to do with her being angry, and taking it out on other people. 
illusion_is_mine: (DBZ - Goku)
This week was a lot better than last week.  Yesterday while I was at work one of my coworkers ran and grabbed a hold of my shirt and seemed pretty scared.  Apparently she saw a cricket, and freaked out...lmao.  I'm not scared of bugs so I was just like really confused about the whole thing.  I also was amused because she didn't even know me, and she just sort of ran to me and grabbed me like I could save her or something xD!  

As for me I've been doing good.  I got off work early today so right now I'm just chilling.  I'm actually going to go watch a few episodes of "Stranger Things", because I love that show.  It has this whole 80's/horror movie aesthetic that's totally right up my ally.  I also really love the music on the show.  I might have to pick up the soundtrack.  

Aside from Stranger Things I've been watching lots of Dragon Ball.  I got my younger male cousins into it actually.  They came over the other day while I was watching it.  I tried to explain what was happening as much as I  They're noobs when it comes to anime so I have to school them a little bit.  I finally bought a copy of Season 5 so I can say I'm finally finished collecting DVD's for Dragonball, Gundam Wing, Macross Plus,  Escaflowne the TV series, and just recently the first OVA of Hellsing.  What can I say I love my old school anime titles.  

I bought some new music.  The KMFDM, Messhugah, and D'espairs Ray CD's aren't really new but I got great deals on all of them.  That Delain CD, as well as the Creative Adult CD's are all new.  Creative Adult is a post-punk band from Run For Cover records.  I really enjoyed their album "Fear of Life" so I bought a physical copy.  D'espairsray has been a favorite of mine for a while now.  I would say I got into them right when I got into Dir en grey back in 2004.  I love Hizumi's voice, and it's unfortunate that they broke up, but that's how it goes sometimes.  Delain's newest album Moonbathers is something I picked up recently.  I have to say it's my favorite album of theirs.  I like it a bit more than "The Human Contridiction", which I also really like.   

Anyway here are pics of the new CD's.  Nothing too spectacular, but yay for new music.  
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Aug. 29th, 2016 09:56 am
illusion_is_mine: (NGE: Misato)
 This week has been an emotional rollercoaster of sorts.  I didn't get that promotion that I applied for.  I had an interview, and everything but it simply came down to them choosing a candidate that had actual experience with that particular position.  That's what he told me anyway.  I was pretty bummed about it, but I also think it's a sign that I need to look for another job.  I don't see any growth in my current job, and I need to be somewhere that I can see myself moving forward rather than staying stagnant.   Needless to say I'm going to be looking for another job.  Preferably one that pays me more money than my current job.  The person that interviewed me did say he would pass on my resume to a graphic design friend of his because he was really impressed with it.  Hopefully that works out.  I'm not putting too much stock into it though.  

In other news the AC in our house went out Saturday evening.  My dad called a guy he knows that fixes AC units to come and look at ours, and it ended up my parents had to buy a whole new unit.  It made sense because the AC unit we had was actually 30 years old.  The guy was surprised that it lasted as long as it did.  We finally got it fixed today.  I was so glad because it's no fun sitting in a hot house.  We were somewhat lucky that it wasn't the hottest day of the year so it was bearable.  Sleeping was a bit harder, and my mom didn't get any sleep last night.  I slept okay, but It was incredibly uncomfortable sleeping without any AC.  I'm so glad it's fixed today because Texas heat is no joke at all.  

One good thing that happened is that I trained this guy in my department, and we ended up having a lot in common as far as music tastes goes.  He's sort of the nerdy type, and people at the job don't really like him that much.  I don't get it though because he's not that bad.  People at my job are so judgmental to be honest.  That's another reason I want to look for another job.  They hired all these new people, and I'm just not feeling it at all.  Everyone forms their own little cliques, and if you're even a little outside what's considered "normal" they don't want anything to do with you.  Honestly that's fine by me because I don't care for them anyway.  I just mostly stay to myself.  

My mom, and I had a civil discussion about religion last week.  My mom is very religious, but I'm glad that she finally see's that I don't have the same perspective on things and doesn't hate me for it.  It made me realize how lucky I am to have parents that accept me fully for who I am.  I especially realized that when I came out to my mom.  I know a lot of people (esp LGBT people) don't always have parents that are that accepting.  It makes me feel very grateful for my parents. 
illusion_is_mine: (Robert Smith)
     This weekend was somewhat stressful.  My new lead at work really pissed me off yesterday after she accused me of purposely locking up one of the passwords we use to log into one of our client accounts.  I tried to explain to her what happened, but she just gave me an accusatory look of disapproval or whatever.  When I realized that she was implying I did it on purpose I was pissed off for the rest of the day.  All I wanted was for her to leave me the hell alone, and of course she wouldn't.  I really hate it when people are horrible to you, and they're completely oblivious to it.  I also wanted to yell at her "Why don't you try doing some work for once!!!!@!@#!#" ,but I want to keep my job so...  She really doesn't do anything, but talk all day and complain about wanting to go home.  Plus she hasn't been our lead for that long, but she refuses to help us in any way.  In fact my old work lead usually has to come to our area, and help with resetting passwords, and things like that.  I cannot stand my new work lead, and I predicted it would turn out like this when she assigned to our area.  She has a bit of a reputation at our job for being generally unpleasant.

     That aside it seems many of my electronic devices started to malfunction all at once.  My main computer has been broken for about a month. I plan on calling a computer repair shop today and getting an estimate on what it would cost to fix it.  Right now I'm using my old Sony Vaio notebook.  Saturday I tried to use the internet and it wouldn't connect which was weird.  So Sunday when I came home from work it was working for again for some reason.  I did a virus scan on it to make sure that wasn't the case and sure enough that was indeed the problem.  I finally managed to remove the damn thing after an hour of fighting with it.  I need to get my other computer fixed because this one seems to be susceptible to viruses.  Probably because it's an older computer.  Also my CD player (that was pretty cheap anyway), just stopped working on me Friday at work.  It was one of those times when everything started failing all at once fml.

     I heard about the passing of Nintendo President Satoru Iwata yesterday while I was browsing tumblr.  It's pretty sad.  I was a kid who grew up on Nintendo games, and even though I'm not huge gamer now I was sad to hear such terrible news. 

     As far as music goes I've been listening to a lot of Chelsea Wolfe lately.  Her upcoming album "Abyss" comes out in 3 weeks, and she released a music video for "Carrion Flowers."  I love the video!  I read it was supposed to be about the drought going on in California right now.  I've been listening to other music as well.  Mostly stuff like Type O Negative, Slipknot, AFI, The Chameleons, Killing Joke, Lost Tribe, Envy, DespairsRay, Lostage, Draconian, Alcest, Kate Bush, Peter Murphy, Bauhaus, and Siouxsie and the Banshees. 
illusion_is_mine: (Gurren Lagann: Kamina)
 This week was actually rather eventful, and I had a little bit of family drama, but it ended up turning out to be a good weekend.  

My coworker is leaving Dallas next Friday, and yesterday was the last day I was able to see her at work until she leaves.  I'm not usually good with goodbyes, and farewells, but we decided to keep in touch with each other.  She's moving to Houston to be with her mother, and the rest of her family.  The main reason she's leaving is because she's trying to get away from her verbally abusive boyfriend.  I'm glad that she's finally getting away from him judging from the things she's told me about him.  She's a really good person, and doesn't deserve to be treated so badly by an asshole like him.  I told her that I would miss her, and good luck with everything.  She told me she feels like it's a whole new start, and that it's slightly scary but she's going to enjoy being with her family.  I'm really happy for her, but I'm sad that she's leaving.  She was always one of the few people I could talk to at work, and feel comfortable with. 

I finally got a few vinyl records to play on my turntable last week.  I ended up getting Joan Jett And The Blackheart's "Album", and Black Sabbath's "Master of Reality."  Both of which are original pressings from the 80's, and in great condition which is awesome.  My best friend told me she was going to buy me Joy Division's "Unknown Pleasures" on vinyl for my birthday.  I'm already looking forward to it!  
Music stuff under the cut... )


illusion_is_mine: (Default)


I'm a 32 year old woman. I'm an artist, and I'm into the Gothic subculture. Things that I enjoy include but are not limited to 80's Music, Reading, Drawing, Animation, Playing bass guitar, Gothic rock, indie music, horror films, anime, comics, video games, and sci-fi novels. I don't know what I'd do without music, and art. I listen to Siouxsie and the Banshees way more than I should.